You've heard of Manic Monday, Teaser Tuesday ...
well, I like to play Wacky on Wednesdays!
So welcome to WACKY WEDNESDAY where I hope to amuse and entice
you to read a Romance Novel that isn't just about Romance
but will perhaps make you laugh as well.
When I read Lynsay Sands' HUNGRY FOR YOU, a paranormal romance,
and reached Chapter 14, I laughed so hard,
I feared I'd wake my husband sleeping on the other side of the house.
Here's an excerpt from Chapter 14 - HUNGRY FOR YOU by Lynsay Sands.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
If Alex thought driving up to the house was bad, forcing herself to get out of the car and walk to the house was even worse, but she made herself do it. For one thing, Sam was in there, completely oblivious that the man she loved was a ravening vampire who was just making her think she loved him so that he could feed off of her like a parasite. She had to go in and warn her, and - if she could - get her out. Though Alex was starting to think that wasn't likely.
Pausing at the door, she took a moment to try to compose herself, and then finally raised her hand to knock. It wasn't exactly a loud rapping, it was more a timid tapping, but then she was scared out of her wits at that point ... and really had to pee, she realized unhappily, wondering why things like that always seemed to happen at the most inopportune times. One good boo would be enough to have her wetting herself at this point, and since she was entering a vampire lair, Alex suspected she was going to experience more than a boo ... which meant she was likely to experience humiliation on top of horror tonight, Alex realized, and was suddenly irritated. That irritation only grew as minutes passed without someone answering her summons. Geez, if she was going to be sacrificed on the blood altar of a bunch of neck suckers, the least they could do was not keep her waiting.
That last thought told Alex she was probably losing her grip on sanity. It just didn't seem all that sane to be angry that her would-be killers lacked promptness. Sighing, she shook her head and knocked again, but it still wasn't very loud. She just couldn't bring herself to pound as if she really wanted someone to come kill her. When another moment passed without the door opening, she hesitated, and then reached for the doorknob and turned it. Much to [her] surprise, it wasn't locked.
She eased it open, feeling like some Victorian heroine entering a haunted house ... or a vampire den, Alex thought dryly, and then muttered, "I may be about to die, but at least I haven't lost my sense of humor."
Wincing at how loud her voice sounded, she slid inside and then paused as a cacophony of sounds hit her ears: shrieks and shouts and the insistent ringing of a phone. She supposed the phone was Russell, trying to warn of her arrival. It sounded like no one was bothering to answer his call. She put that down to the fact that they probably couldn't hear it over the shrieking coming from upstairs. It was loud and agonized ... and her sister, Alex realized with horror as she recognized Sam's voice in the tortured sound.
She started instinctively toward the stairs, but stopped abruptly as she heard other voices shouting, trying to be heard over Sam's screams.
"God damn it! Why isn't it working?!" That sounded like Mortimer, and he actually sounded a bit frantic, Alex noted with a frown.
"I don't know. We gave her the prescribed amount!" someone shouted back.
"Give her more!" Mortimer roared.
Alex bit her lip and glanced around, looking for a handy weapon. A cross, holy water, or garlic would have been nice, but of course there wasn't anything like that around. Spotting the light on in the kitchen, she hurried up the hall to it and straight to the wood block full of knives. She pulled out the two largest and turned back to the door, but then paused as she realized that they weren't likely to do her much good. Cale had taken a crap load of damage in the car accident and still been going. She needed a bazooka ... or a stake.
Alex shifted from foot to foot, trying to think what to do, and then began tugging kitchen drawers open, searching desperately until she came across a long, wooden spoon. Pulling it out, she took a moment to sharpen the end with one of the knives. It was a very bad job, rushed and, really, she only managed to make the tip slightly pointy, but it would have to do, Alex decided, as Sam's screams grew in volume. She would just have to plunge it in with a lot of force.
Slipping the makeshift stake into her back pocket, she started for the door again, but then paused as she recalled that vampires could read minds. She needed a plan, or they'd simply take control and make her hand over her weapons, Alex realized with dismay. A sneak attack would be best ... or some way to keep them from getting into her head.
Turning slowly, she scanned the kitchen, and then returned to the drawers. In the second or third drawer, she'd opened she was sure she'd seen a box of --
"Ah ha!" she gasped as the food wraps were revealed in the first drawer she tried. Alex snatched out the aluminum foil, ripped off a huge sheet, and quickly tugged it over her head. She crunched the ends together under her chin so that it would stay, and then pulled the front forward until her entire forehead was covered. It left the back of her bare, however, and she quickly ripped off a second sheet and attached it to the other by crimping the edges together so that all of her head but her face from the eyes down was protected.
Alex felt an utter idiot in the thing, and didn't even have any idea if it would work, but she'd try anything at that point. Besides, it was what those science geeks always did in the movies to prevent space rays or whatever from penetrating their minds. There must be some science behind it. Perhaps it would keep her safe.
"I've lost my mind," Alex muttered, grabbing her knives again and stomping back across the kitchen. "I woke up this morning a boring little chef on planet earth, and somehow ended up in the Twilight Zone as a third-rate stand-in for Buffy the Vampire Slayer."
She hurried up the hall toward the stairs, adding, "And where the hell is she when you need her? I could use a little Buffy right now."
Alex knew it probably wasn't smart to be talking to herself when she was trying to sneak up on vampires, but it made her feel better and gave her courage. Besides, it wasn't like they would hear her over Sam's ear-piercing cries, she thought and frowned to herself over what might be happening to her sister.
It was probably some weird blood orgy, twelve of the bastards crowded around and biting into her poor naked sister's flesh. She should have run straight upstairs when she first heard them. Alex berated herself, as she reached the top of the stairs, but knew that wouldn't have helped anything. It was enough armed as she was.
Her gaze slid over the doors along the hall, pausing on one she knew from previous visits was a bathroom. Alex still needed to pee. In fact, the more scared she was, the more she had to go, but there was no way she would make a pit stop with Sam shrieking as she was. Stopping for weapons was one thing, but pee breaks were out of the question.
However, she was definitely going to kick some vampire ass if she wet herself, Alex decided as she followed the sound of Sam's screaming to the door of the bedroom she knew her sister shared with Mortimer. Other voices were still shouting inside, but it was harder to distinguish what they were saying now that she was so close. Her ears were so full of the sounds of Sam's agony, she couldn't seem to concentrate on the other voices.
Taking a deep breath, Alex shifted her knives to one hand and slowly turned the doorknob, easing the door open with all the eagerness of a child entering a dentist's office.
Sorry - That's all! If you want to read more,
you'll have to get your own copy of HUNGRY FOR YOU by Lynsay Sands.
Have a favorite of your own that made you laugh or at least giggle?
Happy Reading Everyone!